I Wrote My Own Fate and Here Is Why...

I spent my entire year preparing myself to finish in 16th place at the 2011 CrossFit Games.  I realize you may find that to sound a bit ridiculous, because it sounds down right stupid to me.  Here is what happened.  Given the opportunity to return to the CrossFit Games, I wanted more than anything to be able to participate in all the workouts throughout the weekend.  The thought of watching my fellow competitors hit a workout or two or three while I was sitting in the stands made my stomach churn.  In turn, all year I confidently trained with the mentality that if I played my cards right, I would land myself among the top sixteen and get an opportunity to do all the workouts... because that's all that mattered (or so I kept telling myself).  In reality, I was scared to admit to myself, and especially to anyone else, that I wanted or was capable of more.

After qualifying at Regionals, my competitive mindset changed a bit.  The self-imposed pressure was gone and now it was just time to do what I do.  To me, that meant just keep plugging forward and then in the shining moment hope that a bit of natural athleticism would take over and land me a spot near the top.  Strangely, and unfortunately, without much urgency, I just kept trekking along.  This attitude was good enough to land me a 5th place finish in 2009, but just won't cut it anymore.  Then, there was the day the Games site announced that only the top 12 competitors would survive the final cut at the 2011 CrossFit Games.  For the first time, I remember thinking, "Oh #$%^!"  Surprise!  I was suddenly stripped of my comfort zone.  I tried to hush the concerned voice inside of me, but that is difficult to do when you have spent nearly 360 total days training physically, mentally, emotionally, with the WRONG mentality.  In the end, I blame this mentality for my 16th place finish.

Don't get me wrong, I could sit here all day and talk about the coulda, woulda, shouldas of the workouts.  In reality though, its not even worth my time.  I wasn't prepared for the 2011 Games.  I did not approach them with the confidence necessary to be a champion, I was far lacking from my potential, and I was ill prepared.  As Sunday morning came to a close and the final cut was announced, I gathered my belongings, congratulated my pals moving forward, and with tears in my eyes and a knot the size of Texas in my throat, headed back to the stands.  All the while, I kept thinking to myself, "If only this was like last year, or the year before.  If only Dave Castro had stuck with the sweet sixteen.  I wouldn't even be upset right now."

Now, a few weeks down the road I realize I have two options; either I can be elated that I finished exactly where I had set my sights all year long in that once coveted 16th spot (that is the lame option), or I can be momentarily annoyed that I spent a year with my head in the wrong place and then immediately do something to change the circumstances.  I choose the latter of the two.

Will the bittersweet taste of a 16th place finish at the 2011 CrossFit Games ever wear off?  Naw, I don't really think so, but I am ok with that because it will absolutely be my driving force for the next 12 months.

With that, for the first time in my CrossFit career, I have reached out for help.  I am asking for guidance, and I am seeking encouragement, direction, and accountability.  Its going to be a wild ride, full of humility (as I am already experiencing), challenges, and ultimately success.  My view has changed.  My vision is real.  Lord willing, I get another shot at the big dance and this time I will be ready to soar!

Here's a thought I sent out via twitter after tackling a workout and failing to meet the expectation set in place for me today:  Never ask that standards be lowered to meet you where you are, but beg they remain high and through stubborn determination meet them.  

God bless!